The Little Things - Seravy
Part 4 - Everything and Anything (Part 1)   

Summary: (pre-series) Revenge is like a drug.

NOTE:

Kyoujin – Giant. A baseball team in Japan. I was going to put Giant but I was afraid that people might mistake that as a giant baseball cap instead of a Giant baseball team hat…

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“For that purpose, I’ll do anything.”

The moment those words left her mouth, a part of her immediately regretted them. Deep down, she knew her anything did not include everything, that her determination had limits.

Looking into the rising sun, guilt and shame poured over her childhood memories, a strong gust of cold sweeping into her core. The crushing waves below her roared its siren song, its unforgiving arms promising pure bliss like the temptation she had to fight everyday. But like the railing that contoured the edge of the deep abyss, she felt relieved to know that as long as she desired it, she’d be spared the pain of having to know the true consequences of everything.

Her head pounded with fatigue, eyes heavy and sore from another long sleepless night, but unlike the other nights when she returned empty-handed, she had gotten closer. A lead had finally revealed itself in the form of a lanky man. She hadn’t even noticed him when he had sat down beside her nearby the bar. It wasn’t until she got up to leave that he had revealed himself with a quiet whisper, claiming that he had information.

However, instead of exhilaration or excitement, all she felt was a heavy dread that threatened to crush her chest, sinking into the pit of her stomach. This man had demanded quite a heavy sum for his information. She attempted to negotiate the price but even with the hard-fought reduction, it was not something that she could afford even if she starved herself for months.

Natsuki ran through her list of acquaintances from whom she could burrow the money temporarily. Unfortunately, that left only one person: her sad-excuse of a father whom she was no longer on speaking terms with since their conversation last month. He had flatly refused to give more than the monthly child support the court imposed onto him. Even after vaguely explaining herself, her father had declared her endeavor to be childish and ridiculous. That immediately prompted them into yet another fight over the phone, the only time that they have talked since her transfer to Fuuka Academy. The exchange ended with her swearing and slamming the phone down so hard her teeth rattled.

Sometimes, she dreamt of the day when the Kazahana Scholarship came in the mail. It had been four days since her release from the hospital. Her father was literally jumping with joy, loudly proclaiming how worried he was about her schooling and what a great opportunity this was. They both knew the truth though. Within a week, he had her shipped out to Fuuka Island where she no longer had to tolerate that ugly woman constantly hanging around the house and her father.

Natsuki punched her fist into a nearby tree and let the pain override her worries for the moment. After months of not even knowing where to look, her chance to get closer to her objective was finally within reach and she was powerless to take it.

‘I’m sorry, mother…’

She could feel her eyes burning, the back of her throat clenching with saltiness. Natsuki immediately reached into her pocket and pulled out a lighter and the package she bought a few days ago. It had started out as a sort of feeble comeback to the dingy and smoky setting of the places she was visiting lately. She figured that if she was going to kill herself with cancer, might as well be her own doing. However, she soon discovered a side benefit of this habit; this thing harbored miraculous social magic. People approached her asking for a light or a cigarette, and it gave her an excuse to talk to others.

Flipping back the paper cover, she took a cigarette out and placed the white butt into her mouth. Her thumb flicked the lighter. She inhaled until the end began to glow a soft orange red. A thin trail of gray drifted to the skies, a tarnish to the fresh morning air. She still wasn’t used to the taste but the nicotine did its job, numbing her body with a slight dizziness.

Drawing another breath, the vile smoke invaded her lungs and burned away the pain that threatened to rip her chest apart. The man did offer an alternative but it sickened her to even think about it.

“It’s illegal to smoke under 21.”

Natsuki snapped around from the sudden intrusion. She knew that voice well by now but it didn’t stop her from being startled every time. She hated being caught off guard. Tightening her stance, she warned the intruder with a gaze that reflected her current mood.

“The last time I checked, glaring is not the best way to greet someone.”

“Neither is minding someone else’s business,” retorted Natsuki, defiantly taking another drag from the cigarette. She almost gagged from the taste.

There was that smile again, one that was offered so freely to everybody. It may seem harmless but she had long learned the dagger hidden beneath the sweetest of sweets. Natsuki knew exactly what this girl was thinking and unlike those raving school girls though, she wasn’t going to fall for it.

“What do you want?” grunted Natsuki. She kept her voice clipped and cool.

“Just happened to see you and thought I’d come say hi.”

At this, Natsuki sharpened her glare, defensive instincts taking over.

“Were you following me?”

“No. I was just passing by.”

“At 5 in the morning?”

“I could ask the same.”

Natsuki remained quiet as she discarded her cigarette and smashed it under her left heel. In its ruined state, one cannot tell that it still retained over half of its original length. A breeze sashayed between them, picking up the scent of fresh grass and lingering tobacco.

“Want to have breakfast with me? There’s still an hour before classes start,” said the older girl, breaking the silence. Another smile complimented the offer and it fueled a surge of anger through Natsuki’s thoughts.

“I’ll pass.”

Fujino Shizuru. This strange girl with the annoying Kyoto accent just never knew when to give up. Everybody else was smart enough to stay away but this one was either dense or…

She turned around and started to head back to campus. She had other things to worry about, things that were infinitely more important than having breakfast with a self-centered rich girl. At that thought, Natsuki paused in mid-stride.

It wasn’t the best solution in the world but this smiling idiot seemed just clueless enough. Besides, she was the only person Natsuki knew from school, relatively speaking.

“Oi.”

“Yes?

The Kyoto girl waited patiently as Natsuki groped for an explanation. She considered accepting the breakfast offer then asking the loan over pancakes but that idea immediately felt sour. Just because this girl was fake didn’t mean she had to sink to her level of communication.

Natsuki opened her mouth but hesitated yet again. Something within her was screaming, this stranger before her foreign and foreboding. Natsuki eyed the smile and casual posture carefully. Was it possible for this girl to use the loan against her in any way? She raked her mind in silence for other possibilities, realizing that this was truly her only option. Natsuki gathered her breath and settled on doing things her way; screw tact and manners and all that unnecessary bullshit. She was too close to let a little pride and paranoia get in her way.

“Can I borrow some money? I’ll pay you back next month,” said Natsuki. She tried to sound pleasant and was quite satisfied with it coming out as neutral instead.

There was a pause and a blink before she got her response.

“How much?”

“10 000 US, cash,” shrugged Natsuki, casually. She figured this spoiled brat probably had that kind of money sitting around in her sock drawer.

“Honestly, I do not have that kind of money available to me at the moment. May I be so bold as to ask what it is for?”

“It’s important.”

“Apparently so, if you’re asking a complete stranger for it. I reiterate my question. What might this loan be for?”

“You don’t need to know,” grunted Natsuki. This was exactly why she wasn’t too enthusiastic about asking; people prying into her business.

“Wouldn’t it be better if you discussed this with someone else before going ahead with whatever it is you’re trying to do?”

“If you don’t want to lend me the money, just say it.”

“I’m just concerned.”

An expression of what looked like hurt swept the smile away. Those fine eyebrows dipped with worry which only worked to inject another stream of annoyance through her veins.

“Whatever,” grunted Natsuki.

Without a second look, she turned on her heel and began her descent, ignoring the Kyoto girl’s attempts to get her attention.

The wind continued its soothing song as the day gradually warmed up. Natsuki retired to her second hideout on the other side of the forest. Just outside the thick mass of tall evergreen and birch trees, the land took on a pleasing layer of refreshing green. A little more to the left was a small hill with a stream flowing by its skirts. She lay on the grass, allowing the sun to caress her face and skin, immediately removing school from her priorities. Tests, homework and “group” projects just didn’t fit into her schedule. Besides, it was pointless to even try as the lesson would just fly by her like a speeding car. Despite being held back a year, she was still very much behind on all the course material.

There was still an hour before classes started and Natsuki was more than willing to squander that time before returning to her dorm suite. That would give her the luxury of having the room to herself, free of her roommate. She would have much rather lived alone but first year students were required to share a suite as a means of “socializing”. Natsuki merely scoffed at the idea. When that tiny brat squeaked her greeting in that irritating pixie voice, she made sure that there won’t be any confusion as to whose rules they were going to play by.

The school bell rang suddenly, signaling the start of morning classes. It was now safe to travel uninterrupted through the campus grounds.

Sliding the window that she had left unlocked last night, Natsuki climbed in. A long stripe of red tape ran across the middle, clearly staking out her territory. The drawers were moved to obstruct the view between the two sides to emphasize her privacy. If she was going to sleep in the same room with a total stranger, it might as well be on her terms. Thankfully, she didn’t need to spend much time here. The only uses she found for being this place were for bathing, sleeping, and storing her belongings; the first being something she was in desperate need of.

Digging into her pockets, Natsuki removed her lighter and package of cigarettes and placed it on top of the chest of drawers. A strong smoky stench assailed her nose as she removed her shirt, a sensory reminder of the events that had just transpired a few hours ago. A hot surge of unidentifiable anger grabbed at her. Natsuki held her breath as she hurriedly removed the rest of her attire before snatching the can of air refresher off the drawers. She then flung the reeking articles into the side closet by the door, releasing a long spray of the embellished fragrance. The door was slammed shut along with her other unwashed clothing.

She almost ran into the shower, adjusting the cold temperature well after the water had began to assault her skin. There was always something so alerting and calming about a cold shower, the way it made her entire body freeze with nothing but iciness.

She tried not to let her thoughts wander but as she reached for the bottle of shampoo though, old memories flooded her mind. Just nine months ago, she could barely move this right arm. She could still remember the way it shook as she tried in vain to clench a fist or move her useless lower limbs with little success. Quickly, she twisted the shower knob back to the light blue tab.

A cold, stagnant resolve settled in her stomach. She had made her decision.

She wasn’t sure when but the man she had seen last night finally showed up on the seat where he had made his promise. Even with the alcohol, Natsuki recognized that same skinny body and Kyoujin baseball cap.

“So?” he asked, dropping a hand to her waist.

This was her test, a test of dedication and determination. Her hands shook, her ragged breathing following the irregular pattern of her heartbeat. Cold sweat seeped from her hairline, hot chills haunting down her spine. The hand around her waist groped with promised intensity.

She couldn’t let her mother down over something so trivial. How could she succeed if she couldn’t even do something so simple? Her mother sacrificed her life for her and she couldn’t even do this one little thing.

Natsuki bit her inner lip, letting the pain grip her cowardice. Not trusting her voice, she simply stood up from her seat in confirmation. The man steered closer, pulling her to his side as he guided them both towards the exit. She almost hurled from his rancid stench and touch.

The rusting hinges squeaked as a rush of city air hurried past them. He steered her around the corner, the alleyway between the two buildings revealing itself before her. She could barely make out the narrow passage from the flickering neon sign hanging from the side. A strange sort of electric buzz hummed in her ears as they ventured into the darkness. She read the sign as they passed it. It said “Beer”.

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